You can pick your nose...

Date: Thu, 13 Dec 2007
From: joey

Dear Auntie Dote,

This is partially in response to "Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS," and partially to completely agree with you (and a scenario I can't help but include, for your opinion and a question.)

After reading through that article, I sat here in disbelief at how completely right you are, some guys may classify themselves as "Nice guys," and yet still bitch and moan at how "used and abused" they often are. It's more often than not their own fault.

Now, for my friend's scenario. I have a friend, and he's been "dating" (I use this term as loosely as possible, mind you) some girl online for years. Though he's never met her, only talked to her over the phone, he says he is "completely in love with her,", "she's the only one who understands me" and all of that other bull.

I can't seem to get it through his head that it's not going to work, yet he continues to obsess over this girl. And obsession is putting it extremely mildly. He does her homework for her, he stays up all night to wake her up for school, and is pretty much throwing his whole life away for some text on a screen. He's never had a job (NEVER) and just wastes his whole life on the computer, imagining how happy he's going to be with this girl later in his life. His parents are sick of it, as are his friends, and we're all looking for a way to put a stop to his stupidity.

Without going into way more detail, it's hard to explain just how far gone he really is. So my question to you is:

What can I do to make my friend realize how STUPID he is being? Is this impossible? Should I just find a new friend that isn't such a naive moron? Arggg...

- A concerned friend

Dear Concerned,

Guys like that are like alcoholics. Even after everyone has tried to talk to them, they often have to hit rock-bottom before they get help. In his case, he'll have his heart ripped out, trampled on and tossed in the garbage before he wakes up and is willing to look at alternative modes of behavior. It may have to happen several times before the message sinks in that being a doormat isn't the path to eternal happiness.

The truth is, you can't change your friend--if it is your "friend" you're writing about *wink*--the only behavior you have control over is your own. All you can do is change how you feel about it (i.e., not let it get to you) or terminate the friendship.

-A.D.