Despite our best efforts to dissuade you, many of you have still decided to write to us with your problems, complaints and crises of the moment. We don't have a trained therapist on staff, and this isn't "Dear F*ckin' Abbey", but we DO have Bonnie, who has graciously volunteered her time and heartless perspectives in order to minister to (or macerate) the misguided, with "Dear Fuckin' Bon..."

December 12, 2002

Name: Wimpy Wanda

monsters: George and Mrs. Kitty (my cat)

AsIf: Hard knocks

FakeDegrees: U kidding?

indoctrinated: I'm a gypsy

COMMENTS: Please, Heartless Bitches, help me rip this guy! You are all so good with analysing this form of drivel. All I can do is rant at him, like the other women who have read this shit.I found this Masterpiece on a Bulliten board that I frequent, under the heading..."Boob Size, Sorry ladies". It's causing a huge uproar, and i would certainly appreciate any input to post, or if you feel motivated enough to have some real fun, here is the BB, it's on [Unpublished]: What Do Men Want From Women?

From: HonestMan

I am a 28 year old male. What I want from women who do the following:

1) Stop male bashing.

2) Stop blaming men everytime you have a problem or insecurity.

I have never had a one-night stand, but if I were out to get one, I would probably go mainly on looks... the prettier the better. Sexual research in gender preferences indicates that for one-night stands both men and women rate looks as the most important factor.

As far as a girlfriend goes, my selection goes like this, but I should say up front that there must be chemistry. First, I look for a lady who catches my eye physically. For any women out there who like to use this as ammo against men... since women do the same thing, I don't want to hear complaints on it. She does't need to be perfect . I just want a lady with some feature that I am attacted to. There has been little consistency in chest size (despite what sose of you believe about ALL men). I have also noticed that what women cosider to be thin, I consider to be anorexic. I find nothing attractive about Clarista Flockhart. If it makes you feel any better, if I see too many more pictures of supermodels, I am going to gag.

Second, when we speak I am looking for mental stimulation. I want to find her interesting to talk with. I usually know in just a few minutes if we are intellectually compatible. I guess that is based mainly on common ways of thinking... common interests can take longer to identify.

Third, I look for character traits. First and most important: Is she nice? (if you are a nice lady, especially a younger one, who routinely gets overlooked in favor of the pretty-with-an-attitude-from-hell girls, I feel for you. I was in that same situation... getting overlooked for the jerks.) Followed closely by: Does she ask me any questions about myself (since I will ask her about herself) or does she just sit there and talk about herself the whole time. I am definately looking for a partner, not a competitor, so I find a beat-the-guys mentality a turn-off. Does she like men? If she has a chip on her shoulder against men.. or worse is a man-hater... or a feminist... I politely exit the courtship.

If I find all that, I am really motivated to make it work, because it doesn't happen often.

I know fictional characters don't embody the complexity of real people, but if you want an idea of what I think of as a wonderful female, check out Tea Leoni's character in "The Family Man."

Dear Wimpy Wanda,
"Lady, have you got YOUR lions crossed!". First, it's a little bit ridiculous when someone writes to HB (or as in this case enters a flame form) and asks us to do their dirty work or fighting for them. Do it yourself, I have no idea what you found so offensive, frankly. I don't have a problem with most of his posting, he says he doesn't go by "boob size", and does a fair job of describing a *partnership* as opposed to treating a woman as so very other.

I will grant you that he has an edge of former-nice-guy bitterness, the whole "stop blaming men", "I was overlooked for jerks", and knee-jerk stereotyping of feminism, however, he is describing an equal relationship. Are you offended that he wants to be attracted to a woman he becomes involved with? Are you offended that he would prioritize that for a one-night stand, or just that he considers a one-night stand? He says he hasn't done that, so I'm not sure why that would wad up your lacies.

Finally, aren't there certain things that YOU are more attracted to upfront, maybe a color of hair or height, a particular build maybe, intelligence or humor or consideration? Maybe you've built relationships with people you weren't initally attracted to, and that's great, but the reality is that most people do "go for" someone who has some quality that attracts them to begin with. I don't know why this guy having thought through what he wants is so offensive.

And even worse, YOU don't say why you found it offensive. That's just plain sad. Do your own work and get to know yourself, you may be surprised what's important to you. (and I sure hope that you aren't someone who thinks that the other gender shouldn't want certain things but it's ok for YOU to do it. bleagh)

bon