Despite our best efforts to dissuade you, many of you have still decided to write to us with your problems, complaints and crises of the moment. We don't have a trained therapist on staff, and this isn't "Dear F*ckin' Abbey", but we DO have Bonnie, who has graciously volunteered her time and heartless perspectives in order to minister to (or macerate) the misguided, with "Dear Fuckin' Bon..."

January 2, 2003

You prove my theory. A womans strongest and most terrifying wheopon is her mouth. This is one of the most violent nations on earth. Have you experienced war? Of course not. The earth is a dangerous place. Men have traditionally been trained to be violent. The goverment trained all us men to kill in war. The problem being, we were never deprogramed. I know I will always be a fuckup to a woman. But i would like one of them to be where I have.

Good luck being a Bitch,
Gee, I Joe

Dear Gee,

Lighten up, big boy. You're just a Nice Guy in fatigues, and you aren't fooling us. (don't you love the typo of "weapon" in his second sentence? It's somehow very evocative). From your IP info, it looks as though you're from the United States, which is indeed one of the most violent nations. On the other hand, the government "programs" you to spend money, swill beer, watch sports while guddling about in your underpants, and get in debt. Those who enter the military may be "trained to kill in war" but you make it sound like the average american male is practically a trained assassin. Puh-leeze. The average male American is "trained" to do your TAXES, or better yet, pay someone else to do them. Give me a break.

As for you being a fuckup to women, clearly that's just fine with you or you'd develop some communication skills and DO something about it. I suspect that your negative attitude about women is the biggest obstacle to your having a good relationship with one. If we call it as we see it, it makes our mouth a "weapon" but you're supposedly up to your hips in weapons and can barely control yourself from using them? *eye roll*

Finally, you say that you would like "one of them" women to "be where you have". Where is that exactly, and do you really think that no matter what kind of abuse or violence you've been through that women haven't experienced it as well? You sound like a big misogynistic baby to me, too busy feeling sorry for yourself to develop yourself or relationships.

Finally, we don't need luck at being Bitches, and we're obviously more in control than you are.

bon