Despite our best efforts to dissuade you, many of you have still decided to write to us with your problems, complaints and crises of the moment. We don't have a trained therapist on staff, and this isn't "Dear F*ckin' Abbey", but we DO have Bonnie, who has graciously volunteered her time and heartless perspectives in order to minister to (or macerate) the misguided, with "Dear Fuckin' Bon..."

October 7, 2001

From the "tragically misdirected people who think vulgarity or profanity makes a point that they otherwise cannot articulate" files.

Dear Fuckin' Bon:
id love to shove my man juice

man juice? (*snort*) Will you be pureed or frappe-d? Blender or food-processor? Is there a lot of tomato juice, celery and spices involved or just your remains? Would you be cooked and/or sanitized first?

...Nah, never mind. No thanks. You just sound too yucky.

so far into your body that youll taste it for a week....remember one thing ...men rule!

And yet here you are, slavering and blubbering at our feet, and for no apparent reason. Go figure. (No, I mean YOU go figure, seriously. It would be very developmental for you to understand why we upset you so).

men bulit this society

Not all by theyselves, they didn't, ya numbnuts.

(Oh, maybe he meant bullet.) Some of us are pretty good markswomen (and marksmen) ourselves, as I'm sure you'll find out directly if you're this absurd out in public.

these buildings
these cars you drive, all the roads and just about every other thing that lets you live the soft comfortable, cyber existance you live..

(JadeSyren, I think he's choking on one of those sour grapes.)

So, your spoken assumption is that all Heartless Bitches are; 1) female
2) living soft and comfy lives and/or
3) existing only in cyberland

Besides that being your wet-dream, your unspoken meaning (because heavens knows you don't have the balls to say anything outright) is;
4) We don't EARN our own existance (soft and comfortable or not) on or off the internet? So
5) Someone else must be "taking care" of us, one way or another.

Boy have YOU not read the site, dweeb. (Y'know, it's sad, it almost kinda gets boring. An advice column that has to keep reminding *this type* of feeb that they aren't ONLY pointlessly cranky, they also can't or are choosing not to READ. *sigh*.)

youll never catch up...so the next letter you write shoul be one of appreciation for all the men who have been nice enough to give you the time of day.
-themen

Semen with a lisp....

Oh, goody! Now I have some real psychological work to do! You call your collective "-themen"? That's interesting, as true Multiple Personality Disorder affected people virtually always have both genders, even when the overwhelming majority are one gender which isn't all that fond of the other. Congratulations!

...Or, no, you just meant that you think you "represent" men? Oohhhhhhh, that IS sad. Maybe we can find you a "big brother" who understands what real men are about and can enlighten you.

Nah, we wouldn't want to inflict you on a real man.

Dear Fuckin' Bon:
I was told there is a very good commentary of John Gray's Mars Venus book on this site. Where is it!

Guess what? I'm not only NOT Dear Fuckin' Abby, I'm not the phone-or-site directory either. YOU may as well look through the site as have me do it. The entire site is about taking responsibility. Give it a whirl!

Dear Fuckin' Bon:

Please pay attention to me.

yea didnt think you would print my letter....i wouldnt either if i were you...it makes your whole site look really childish , oh well the truth is out there , some people just get a hold of it alot soonr than others.

Awww, he got *lonely*.

(And he thinks his letter makes anyone but him look foolish or childish?) *snork*

Dear Fuckin' Bon,
I think that if you really meant what you are saying it would preclude the participation in a site call Heartless Bithches. A cause, a site, a community based on what? I do enjoy reading posts and such on this site.

So you lie and make things up, you're bitter and you can't spell. I can see where someone like you would find it threatening reading about people who can easily knock you out of your complacency.

It is kind of like seeing the inside of a sorority.

Except of course, that we're not all women. Such a bummer for you, it not only knocks your lame "insult" flat but proves one of many reasons you'd never make the cut. But you already knew that or you wouldn't have been stomping and flapping outside our front door because you weren't invited to the party.

Will you blow me?

*sigh*, and there's yet another difference between you and any Heartless Bitch. My standards are so high I wouldn't let you give me oral sex if you were weeping on your knees in front of me with a resume. You must be really lonely if this is your measure of importance (and therefore a supposedly cutting "insult"). Is this *really* the best you can do?

I am fairly certain that this will not be answered as it may take some work to tee it up for a slam dunk.

I wish I thought you were bright enough to be deliberately mixing sports terminology.

fockinbon can kiss my ass

It isn't cute, and it's not attached to anything relevant, so no thanks.

bon
*fockin? Like, " It's fockin' DARK in here"?*