Elisa
It's taken me some years to understand what being a Heartless Bitch
means. People always misunderstand what I mean when I say I'm a
Heartless Bitch and I don't want it to be misrepresented, especially because I
consider it to be a very strong part of my belief system (as well as a
reclamation of a term usually used to degrade women).
In our society, women are taught (indoctrinated really) that they need to
care for everyone and that they need to be careful what they say to people so as
not to 'offend' them. Watch what you say, watch what you do or other people
might get hurt or not like you. Well, I've decided that is shit. Undoubtedly, my
actions have bearing on other people. I am not purposely mean. Meanness is not
what it's about. It's about me taking responsibility for my emotions and state of being, dealing with them, and not getting tangled up with other people's issues.
It is not my job to ensure that anyone else is happy, well-balanced or
well-adjusted. I'm not a therapist, nor do I wish to be. A couple of
clarifications though: first, on my friends and people I care about; second, on
other people's actions toward me.
One: Of course I care deeply about my friends and loved ones. And of
course, I care how they feel and I want to try to make them feel better if
they're down or celebrate with them when they are happy. I worry, I fret, I try
to console. But because I care about them, I always tell it like it is. If I had
to watch what I said or censor myself, they wouldn't be true friends. I only
hang out with people who can deal with that. I know that I've turned people off
with the way I talk and think, but that's not my problem.
Two: I take responsibility for myself and my emotions. I look to those that
care about me as a sounding board for certain thoughts and emotions, but realize
much of it is a product of my own neuroses and prejudices, unrelated to other
people. But there are some instances where my problems/issues are directly
attributable to other people and as a Heartless Bitch, I call them on it
directly. And then I try to get over it. It doesn't always work but at least I
try not to let it affect my life on a day to day basis for longer than is has
to.
In general, the Heartless Bitchery is felt most around those who I don't
know or care to know. Random people in bars, friends of friends, etc. If someone
says something stupid or inappropriate to me, they are going to get smacked
down--figuratively--as I said, its not about meanness or violence. And if they
get offended or upset or call me a name, I'm going to tell them to shove it. Its
not my job to ensure your mental, emotional or psychological health. So FUCK.
OFF.
Country: United States of America
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