Michelle
(The following is a rant that I wrote a couple of weeks ago about how
I dislike girls in relationships.)
You know what I hate more than anything else in the world? Weddings. I
think they're fucking stupid. I think being a bride would be hell on earth. Some
people - mostly women - think their wedding day is the best day of their lives.
Which is sweet and all, but come on. Do you really think getting legally bound
to someone else is the best thing ever to happen to you? Is it fun to have to
put up with the same person day in and day out? I wouldn't think so. And the
wedding day! Being fussed over because you're wearing a fucking overpriced white
dress! Why all the celebration? Next time I go to a wedding where I'm friends
with the bride, I'm wearing black. I don't care if it's the middle of the
summer. I'm wearing black.
Why is it that so many girls have this fear of being single? I don't get
it. I told one girl that I was single and I didn't foresee that changing any
time soon. She told me, "Oh, don't worry. You'll find the right guy soon
enough." What the fuck is that supposed to mean? The right guy? Does this idiot
of a chick actually believe in soul mates? I'm sorry, but I will never take
anyone seriously who believes in so moronic and soppy a notion. Besides, the
only "right guy" for me is a friend. Fuck that, the only right guy for me is my
dad. And then there are the reactions to my decision never to get married. Most
guys are pretty cool with it. Most girls give me a skeptical look and say,
"Really?" with an overtone of "You're fucking crazy if you don't want to get
married, Bitch."
Then there's pop culture. Mercifully, it doesn't talk too much about
marriage, but EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SONG on the radio is about relationships!
It's the central theme of everyone's lives! Well, it is for girls, at least. The
guys have bands like the Barenaked Ladies who sing about postcards with chimps,
and Green Day who sings about how Bush is Hitler, and stupid emo bands like
Linkin Park who whine about how "I'm so depressed, excuse me while I go slit my
wrists and then claim I'm devoid of emotion even though I'm so despondent that
I'm no longer capable of rational thought." There are about four themes of songs
for girls to sing: the crush ("Come on over baby because I think you're the one
for me"), the love ("I'm so in love with you because you're the one for me"),
the heartbreak ("Please please please come back because even though you treat me
like shit I still think you're the one for me"), and the moving-on song ("I
thought you were the one for me, but you're not, so fuck you"). WILL YOU PLEASE
SING ABOUT SOMETHING DIFFERENT! I don't care what. Sing about why you like
writing songs. Sing about how you think Draco Malfoy is secretly good. For all I
care you can sing about fucking Scientology. Just stop singing about your
boyfriend or lack thereof!
And the most disappointing part of all is that the only women who like
being single, like it because it means they can fuck more guys. I'm dead serious
about this. I don't think I've ever met a girl my age or older that honestly
wants to be single instead of being double, but just with a different man every
ten minutes. "I don't want to be in a committed relationship," I tell a female
friend whom I think will agree. "I agree," she says. I go on: "I would really
rather be more independent." She says, "Me too. I'd rather mingle with more guys
than be restricted to just one." And then she goes on about how she hates how
people think it's so strange for a girl to have sex with five people a night and
how she loves Christina Aguilera's newest song about how she's proud to be a
whore.
NO! No no no no NO! You are totally missing the point. The point of being
strong and independent isn't that you need a new guy every five seconds. It's
that you don't need one at all! Is it so impossible to just be alone for a few
hours? Maybe even, God forbid, a few days? Girls, whether they go through one
boy every six months or six boys every one week, always seem to act as if
they're missing half of them when they're alone. Well, I think they're idiots. I
am not half of a couple. I am a whole person, thank you very much, and I intend
to stay that way.
Country: United States of America
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