Kavanah
"There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things." - Niccolo Machiavelli
It's never too late to become a Heartless Bitch.
After 20 years of marriage, I'm finally learning that it's never too late... to get a brain.
Some Heartless Bitches learn this early in life and some of us later on. Guess I'm just a late bloomer.
I think the 2x4 hit me over the head around 5 months ago. A good friend of mine, an attorney, who just happened to be the best man at our wedding said something to me, that made me pause for thought.
He said, "Lisa, I believe you have battered wife syndrome."
It made NO sense to me at the time, my husband never physically beat me... but... deep inside my gut, my inner Heartless Bitch began to awaken from her long, peaceful slumber.
I was on alert mode and began digging deeper. Was I happy? Was I in a "healthy" relationship? Hummm?
After a little detective work, I discovered my husband was not only messing around with one of my best friends, behind my back, he was also carrying on with some Filipino hair dresser, having anal sex with her, on a regular basis in the back of our family SUV...and the idiot never used condoms with her!
If that isn't a deal breaker, I don't know what is!
After our little confrontation, my husband ended up in a psych ward for awhile. He was diagnosed with bipolar d/o. His psychiatrist said I needed to help facilitate his "recovery" and have more "compassion." I told the shrink to fuck that shit. Having bipolar is NO excuse for my husband's behavior. What he did to me was due to character and moral deficits, NOT a mood disorder.
I was an excellent wife and mother. I have a great career and I'm highly respected (outside of my home). I would never let people walk all over me in my public life. Actually, most people think I'm pretty damn assertive and intimidating.
Why was I not respected at home? Why couldn't I carry over my self-worth into the home front?
I did everything for my husband. I bent over backwards to be a great lover, wife, "hostess with the most-est" and cash machine. I even won 1st place at this companies annual bake off...just to get his ass some recognition from the president and CEO...and it worked!
I did NOT deserve to be treated like crap. How could I allow this to happen?
I blame myself for my late "awakening." Life as a working mother and wife is hectic. Who has time for personal introspection and inner work?
So many of us function in a numb, zombie like state. It is very easy and practical way to manage life isn't it? To awaken would be taking a chance...it could be very painful and inconvenient.
Well folks...I have arrived and I have awakened. To my husbands and his families dismay, I have found my Heartless Bitch voice. I've filed for divorce. I'm moving on with my life.
Instead of whining and saying things like:
"Why does he always lie to me?" or "Why am I always being used?"
I'm asking myself, "Why in the hell did you allow him to lie to you and use you? He couldn't have done it without your consent."
People will only treat you the way you allow them to. I know that's how it works in the "real" world. That's how it it's gonna be in my personal life from now on. I am a very resilient Bitch. No person or situation will break me...ever.
I don't hate men, I adore them. I just hate toxic relationships. I want to help myself and others learn what is right, what is healthy and what is normal. I would be honored to be part of the group as both a learner and as an active participant.
We need to introduce a new order of things in male/female relations and I can't think of a better starting point than becoming a "Heartless Bitch".
You want to know something too? I just got my lab work back from my doctor. She tested me for very STD on earth...even HIV and the tests were all NEGATIVE! Thank you G-d! Life is very, very beautiful when you let go of all the baggage and fully embrace the inner Bitch. I've never been happier and I can't wait to start the next chapter of my life.
Country: United States
Yes! I want to read more from Real Life Heartless Bitches
| 
