Clare
I admit I've been hesitant to put in an application, because I will be the first person to vouch that I am absolutely dense as a brick when it comes to understanding dating and romantic and/or sexual relationships. This is largely because I'm attracted to neither men nor women, so my confusion literally starts at "But what's the appeal of dating?" and goes from there. But I can tell the difference between respectful and disrespectful behavior in human relationships overall, which is the important bit.
I was raised by a feminist mother, grew up reading Tamora Pierce, Patricia Wrede, and other such feminist adventure fiction for little girls, and have next to no hormonal differences in the way I respond to men or women (read: none). I don't feel like being feminist is a personal accomplishment, really: I was literally born and raised that way. My personal accomplishment has been in absolutely refusing to have this socialized out of me. I have never been tricked into thinking that maybe I'm "supposed" to care more about boys than I do. I'm "supposed" to care about my schoolwork, my friends, my family, my own personal development (intellectually and morally), and my health. And I do. And I never for a moment considered treating my lack of interest in boys as an indicator that Prince Charming hadn't come along yet, and if I waited long enough than I *would* find I guy I could be interested in, and cute forest animals would sing at our wedding. Gag me with a spoon. It meant I had time and brainspace to spend doing other things, and I was glad to keep it that way.
And I certainly don't believe, as many people have tried to convince me, that I am being a selfish stuck-up Bitch and won't "give people a chance," when I only want to be friends with guys (God forbid I only see you as a good and fun person!), or when I get annoyed at people for asking me out. I don't always get annoyed when people ask me out, but I believe there are certain circumstances where the "It's worth a shot" attitude is highly insulting. Like if I already told you I don't date and am not interested in men. Or if you're asking over email (why would you want to date me if you think I have that little class?). Or if you're simultaneously so full of yourself, and so afraid of rejection, that you don't really ASK--you just TELL me that you're "considering" going out with me. Yeah, that makes me feel respected. I could keep in this vein for a very long time, but it'd probably be more efficient to just write a rant on "How Not To Ask Out Intelligent, Literate Girls Who Are Already Busy Enough With Getting a College Education, Karate, Work, and Their Real Friends Without Trying To Teach You Manners."
In general, I am all for teaching people things, because I believe that it is a human being's number one responsibility to themselves and those around them to never stop learning. Many things it is easier, faster, and safer to learn via having someone teach you than to learn via fucking around figuring it out by yourself (example: I take karate lessons. I do not learn how to fight by getting in barfights in Worcester. That would get me killed). If you can be the one to teach someone else something, you are doing a good thing and promoting general good karma in the universe. HOWEVER, there are things your mother should have taught you when you were five, and it is NOT my job to devote my life to fixing your or your parents' failings. I might explain to you ONCE why you're being a jerk if you're being a jerk, partly because it will be cathartic for me, and it ends there.
On a related note, I don't hang around people I don't think I can learn something from. I like friends that will keep my brain awake. This is why I like HBI so much: not just because it says a lot of things I already agree with, but because it's extremely informative.
Country: United States
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