I go to a college that was ranked number 1 on Playboy's "Hottest Chicks
on Campus" poll and as a result has attracted an overwhelming number of
beefcake, dick-headed frat boys, which I in turn must live with (and not
very harmoniously). One of the most brainless and repulsive of the lot
lives directly above me. He surrounds himself with scantily clad,
equally mindless sorority girl hussies who piss in the hallway after
drinking themselves unconscious and participate in the "Shaved Pussy
Salon" sessions just to convince themselves that they're worth something
because horny frat boys want to fuck them. He plays N*Sync at 180
decibels at 3:00 in the morning almost religiously, and insists on
singing horribly out of tune along with the music. Being a voice major,
there's only so much of that shit you can take before you NEED to find a
very large bridge and throw yourself off of it.
So, after a few weeks of
putting up with his stupidity, I find him lurking around my hall with
girls wearing skimpy tank tops and booty shorts. I decided that that
moment was the perfect opportunity to let him know how much joy he
brings to my life. Needless to say I woke up a few suitemates in the
process, but it's a small price to pay.
A few days later he came down to
investigate a bit and find out where I lived, so we could "have a civil
conversation" about the grievances I had with him. It was then that I
found out just how stupid he really is. After using more curse words in
a minute than I had in my entire life, he asked me not to judge him
based on the frat boy stereotype. Hell, I'm allowed to do whatever the
fuck I want, and saying this, I said that he was free to judge me
however he pleased. In response, he says "Well, tell me something about
yourself so that I can stereotype you." Um...HELLO? How the fuck did
this guy get into college?
Needless to say, the conversation ended
abruptly when I burst into laughter and walked back into my room.
Sources say I'm now known as the "Fat Bitch from 3B"...but such is life.
The singing has stopped as a result, but now he just makes sure that his
sex is rougher so I can hear his bed squeak from my room. I think deep
down he's convinced that I'm just bitter because I'm not with him, but
as my mother says, "Kate doesn't like boys." It's probably incidences
like these that make my parents believe I'm a lesbian. What they don't
understand is that it's not that I'm not attracted to men; it's the fact
that stupidity is the biggest turn off.
Yes! I want to read more from Real Life Heartless Bitches
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