Part 3
Even More Things that make us want to HURL!
Monica Lewinsky... She either a) blows the President of the United States and
blabs about it to everyone in the office or b) makes up a story about blowing
the Prez and yacks to everyone... and now she's upset that the media won't
leave her alone. Well, boo hoo for you, you stupid, immature airhead!
Classmates who say "YOU always get good grades......it's just easier for
you". No you fucking idiot, I make good grades because I study my ass off
instead of getting drunk and pukeing my guts up every night and no you can't
borrow my notes.
Straight friends who think my lesbian partnership is "just a phase" even
thought we've been together for 7 years and had 2 kids through insemination
and they've been married 3 times in the same amout of time. Yeah, ok,
whatever.
People who, first thing upon meeting me online,
ask "R U M or F?" if I wanted you to have that info I would have
provided it, get to know me as a human being, then maybe we will discuss my
gender and yours.
Bryan Adam's latest hit, "Back To You", the gist of which is, that
the guy has been a using, lying asshole, and the object of the
song is the only woman stupid enough to put up with him, so he's
going back to her. As if the measure of a woman's worth is how
much shit she will put up with.
The song by the "Hanson's", "Who you are", which basically says,
"I don't give a shit about who you are as a person, I'm just so desperate
for anyone, and you are the only woman who has paid attention to me..."
Writers who whine about editors. Hey, assholes -- without them, your
"precious brainchild" of a manuscript would look like it came out of a 6th
grade "writing workshop" talent pool.
People who call you a sellout poseur if you listen to the radio or any kind of
"mainstream music". If I like something, I'm not going to stop liking it if it
gets popular, you morons.
Guys who really and truly like the works of Piers Anthony and also claim to be
feminists.
People who can't seem to understand that "work" is called "work" because when
you go to your respective place of business you are expected to "work".
Intelligent, achieving women who turn into incompetent whiners as soon
as a man talks to them... and then later give me advice on how to catch a
man (as if that's my whole purpose for being in school...GOD.)
People who "jokingly" ask me if I'm going for my "MRS" degree. GAG.
People who must assert their staightness upon finding out I'm gay, as in "Oh,
you're gay? I'm not, but I'm ok with it." Like I, a.) care about their sexual
preferences and b.) care whether or not they're "ok" with mine.
When you just handed your credit card to the waitperson, and he
or she comes back and plops the credit slip in front of your male
companion to sign! Uh, 'scuse me, my name is very very blatantly
a female one... can't you READ?? And, even if you can't, you saw
*me* hand you the damned card, too! Moron.
Punks who rant loud and long about how people abuse them socially for their
dress style, who then refuse to talk to anyone who isn't wearing a pair of Doc
Martens and a tattered old Sex Pistols t-shirt.
Anyone who knowingly uses the phrase "post-modern condition".
Guys who fake being emotionally hurt because you catch them
in a lie and they say..."What you don't trust me?" As if diverting you off the
subject at hand by pretending to have feelings works. Or worse, when he gives you the "What do you expect from me I'm just a
guy" excuse.
Websites or pages that auto-play Midi files! Especially hurl-worthy
are the really cheesy ones.
People who tell me that just because (I have a mind that I use as more than
a paper-weight) I don't like their idea of the perfect man that I don't
have to get an attitude with them.
People who insult my intelligence by saying "don't take this the wrong way" before saying something rude.
As if that phrase is supposed to somehow make it a polite statement.
People who say that until you've had children, you haven't done anything
with your life. Oh, yeah, what a waste of life Georgia O'Keefe was! If
only Issac Newton had had children, he could have done something with
himself!
People who jump all over me when I say that it is possible to have good sex
without loving the other person. They act all shocked and start getting
really vehement about how sex is immoral, tawdry, debased, cheap,
demeaning, etc. unless it happens as part of a Great Romance with The Love
of Your Life. Grow up! Sex with love is the ideal, but 1.) sometimes
people get horny before they've met The One (or after the love of their
life has died or at a time when they don't need to be in a serious
relationship or...); 2.) celibacy ain't for everyone; 3.) some people never
meet Mr./Ms. Right; and 4.) responsible sex with Mr. or Ms. Almost-right
can be pretty damned good. Pretending you're madly in love with everybody
you sleep with may seem like a good idea to you, but I think I'll opt for
honesty.
Those TV ads for diet products that have women saying things like, "Now I'm
skinny, I LOVE myself!" What, she couldn't love herself if she didn't buy
your product? If she gains the weight back, will she have to go back to
hating herself?
Ads for "feminine hygiene" products and the products themselves. I do not
have a "woman odor" problem, and my vulva does not need to smell like
strawberries, for god's sake.
Women who won't eat more than two mouthfuls in front of men they're dating.
You know, at some point, I think they're gonna figure out you have to eat
to live, just like they do.
People who think that because I'm a woman, I'm supposed to want to "help
people with their emotional problems." (Whatever that means.) Excuse me,
but if I wanted to heal people's psychological scars for them, I'd have
become a psychiatrist, so I could get paid for doing it.
Overly sensitive souls online who, when someone criticizes a public figure,
accuse that person of abuse. How can you abuse someone you've never even
met???
The gay men that I've met and gone out with who flip out about my
bisexuality. Usually it's something along the lines of, "Back in the dim
recesses of my personal history, I dated a bisexual and they hurt me."
Get over it. You've never been hurt by a gay man? Right. You knew I was
bisexual before I asked you out, so why did you say yes?
Feminists who rant about a woman's right to be what she chooses but then
generically denounce homemakers, models and that sort.
People who equate self-reliance with belligerence.
Those stupid, fucking movies with the stupid, fucking, USELESS women who
just stand there screaming helplessly while a bunch of thugs beat up their
boyfriends. Anybody lays a hand on MY husband/boyfriend/male companion,
and he's gonna have TWO people to contend with!
...People who, upon hearing I've had a miscarriage, say crap like, "oh,
well, it's God's way of letting you know it wasn't meant to be," or,
"well, at least now you know you can *get* pregnant!". First of all,
your god had nothing to do with it; secondly, I've *always* known I
could get pregnant!! Now stop giving me looks like I must be miserable,
and stop asking me if I'm going to try again anytime soon.
The Independent Women's Forum. What a misnomer. They ought to call
themselves "Rich Mommies with Nannies Who Are Against Day Care."
Fat ugly slobs with halitosis and no money who place personal ads
demanding a slender, petite Cindy Crawford look-alike. Get a fucking
clue.
Brainless wonders who tell me that I can't possibly be happy unless I
get married and have children. These are the sorts of people who can't
comprehend that there are people out there who think and act differently
than they do.
Conservatives who cream their pants over "family values" and
"traditional moral values" and who are on their second or third wives.
Case in point- Rush Limbaugh. Who says that blue whales are endangered?
There's one blubbering on the radio every single day!
People who look down on you because you didn't graduate from an Ivy
League institution.
Rabid christians and born-again christians and every other form of
aggravating, self-important, self-righteous fuck-wit who either by ignorance
or intent, support Christian "heroes", many of whom were raving
anti-semitics and completely misogynist.
Kenny G. The "G" stands for "God shut the hell up and stop torturing that cat
-you can't sing worth a damn!"
People who assume lame-ass, TV-cliche crap about me instead of just
asking how I feel, what I think, or why I feel or think it. Thinking won't
hurt or wear out your brains, trust me.
Managers who act like the peasants should feel ecstatic about their
3-digit profit sharing checks when management is getting tens of thousands
in theirs from our hard work.
Customers who "think" that the first employee they find is personally
responsible for their complaint, and has the power to fix it. Even if
he/she is in another department clear across the store, has just arrived
for work, got hired last week, or is off the clock.
People who enjoy jerking your chain, then they insist that they were
"just kidding" or "just testing you" if you get pissed off.
People who assume that because I am a Nirvana/Nine Inch Nails fan, I
must be a manic-depressive, suicidal, satanic youth that bites the heads
off chickens. Whatever happened to just liking the music?
Isaac, Taylor, and Zac Hanson, and the guy who signed them.
Punk and riotgrrrl purists. Don't preach to me, you self-righteous
spam-suckers.
People who make ignorant statements like, "All riotgrrrls hate men".
These people should have their bowels ripped out by some large savage
animal.
Bands who rip off other bands, such as Days Of The New, who rip off
Alice In Chains. Get your own f*cking sound.
Alterny-posers who wear wallet chains and dye their hair but tape
Hilfiger and Nike ads to their walls and listen to Puff Daddy and
Matchbox 20.
Casey's Top 40. Casey, you wouldn't know a good song if it crawled
up your @$$ and died.
People who use "faggot" every other word.
People who don't understand (or worse, who pretend not to understand) the
difference between lying and merely being wrong.
People who assume (or pretend to assume) that anything they don't like or
don't understand was done just to piss them off, embarrass them, or rip
them off.
People who are perceptive enough to realize (and brave enough to admit)
they have shortcomings, but who won't try to change because "No one will
tell me what's wrong." Then they whine that they aren't respected.
Greedy corporate types who make millions or billions annually, but who
won't pay the peons who make that money a decent wage. If you want
profits, reward loyalty and productivity, not ass-kissing and PC
inoffensiveness.
People who accuse me of being paranoid because I question the validity
and integrity of things and people who sound too good to be true.
TELEMARKETERS!!!!!!!!!!
People who confuse paranoia and cynicism.
Being patronized.
Managers who will make a new rule rather than admit gullibility,
overreaction, and/or being wrong.
All those lame-ass disclaimers on everything. What really burns my butt
about this is that they aren't there to protect the stupid. They are there
to protect the maufacturers and marketers from greedy bastards who will
deliberately harm themselves by misusing the product and get millions
because "The directions didn't say not to..." These expenses are passed
down to you, fellow consumers.
People who make a big production about something and turning out to be wrong.
People who convince themselves that they disbelieve you because they're
uncomfortable with or cannot face what you are saying.
The fact that a woman is considered arrogant if she has standards about
the men she'll date, but no one tells a single man over the age of 30
that he really ought to consider going out with his father's boss' 400
pound daughter.
Kathy Lee Gifford and the way she trots out those no-neck monsters of
hers to tell the whole world about the skid marks on their underwear.
The condescending attitudes that people (especially women, it seems)
have about women who are childless by choice. They invariably tell me
that I'll change my mind, as if I'm incapable of making an informed
decision for myself.
The phrase "I wonder if anybody would even care if I died..." - especially when
uttered in a pathos-laden voice and invoked as a last-ditch attempt to gain sympathy
because the listener has steadfastly refused to participate in the speaker's latest self-pity party.
People who miss a social gathering and the first thing they want to know
is if anyone talked about *them*.
People who label me and then tell me I'm not a 'real' one, because I
don't fit in with whatever stereotype they labeled me with in the first
place.
People who think I have nothing better to do than listen to
their self-absorbed whining.
People who ask me if I want to join the Hair Club for Men. (FUCK NO).
Men who insist that you'll be back because you NEED them.
No darlin', I don't need you because I can fix my own car,
I DO know what a clutch plate is. And they make pulleys to help
you lift the transmission because you can't lift it alone either!
No I'm not a "butch" lesbian, I'd just rather do it myself so I
don't have to listen to assholes like you who think I NEED you.
You're here because I want you here and now I want you to leave.
Those "Gotta Get Milk" advertisements.
Restaurant servers who say "There ya go" when serving a dish---NO--there YOU go, and hurry if ya want a tip!
All these women counting the damn fat-grams.
The wanker boss who joked around the office about how I must have been
attracted to the butch-in-boots auto-mechanic that came by to complain
about the crappy service and lit into his keister. I was attracted to
her, you moron, but only cuz her boot was halfway up your ass--that
always turns me on. How stupid can a boss be?
People who spend their entire life trying to find out how stupid their
boss can be. Keep your job and shove it, we ain't listening here no more.
So called humans who think that because you expect more that you are less.
People who want to meet "The Perfect Partner" and talk about how they are
still "experimenting" but don't want to get involved because they might
get serious with me. What kind of lame ass lie is that? If its not a
lie, you're too dense to bother with.
People who say that I am indecisive because I CAN understand both sides of
an issue...really, I refuse to apologize for NOT being a close-minded fool that can't
change sides in an issue because of new information brought to my attention.
sheesh.
People who are fanatics about ANYTHING. (i.e. Rabid Vegetarians-- "Oh no! I would
NEVER eat meat!" Damnit, just say that you are vegetarian I can accept that.
Sales associates who are angry at the fact that I got hired from outside the
company straight to supervisor.. well, you know what? You had a better chance
than I did, and maybe, just maybe, if you did your job and showed initiative I
would have been answering to you.
People who expressly do not do something because everyone else is doing
it. --God forbid doing things that you too like. ACK
Guys who identify too strongly with Dilbert. Identifying with Dilbert is not a turn on. And put that stupid bent tie
away; if you had one, you wouldn't need it.
Cartoon characters who don't learn how to tie their shoes because they
think everyone wants to smell their feet!
People who think that your clothes are you but want to take them off.
Sometimes, they even want to put different ones back on! Get a doll;
stop pulling my cord.
To the "Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight". Are you standing in it and
aiming out?
People who whine "Can't we just be friends?" I *have* friends. What
makes you think I want to put up with your shit second-hand?
People who never, ever return my calls but months later at a party act
like I'm their best friend.
People who think they understand me because we've had one long
conversation... that was mostly about them. Get a life!
People who think that just because they initially pointed me in the right direction they
can take credit for all my hard work. Not bloody likely.
People who invite slimeballs to their friend's gatherings. Slimeballs are slimeballs. Don't invite them out with us
gatherings, even if it is bar, especially when you're on the rebound, and
then expect us to dispose of the jerk when you just can't take it and
breakdown and cry. Boohoo, I've got better things to do!
Overbearing obnoxious people who monopolize every conversation,drone on and
on and then, when you finally try to get a word in, will say: "Would you let
me finish?"
People you run into after not seeing them for years and their first
question is, "DO you have children?" Like that's all that matters in my
life. Or when they ask, "Why?" as if that's any of their business. I like
to answer: "Because I use a really effective method of birth control." Or
relatives who believe that unless you've reproduced, you can't possibly
understand anything about life and you must be a total idiot.
Spoiled, overindulged brats who have had everything handed to them on a
silver platter but feel that they have to find some way to make themselves
seem a victim. Like calling themselves "disabled" because they have a bad
knee or bad back. There are baseball players who steal bases on nearly
crippled knees and still break records! Spare me the pathos!
The hysteria about violence in movies and on tv. When was the last time you
ever heard any debate about how to clean up the violence in real life? The
deaths by handguns, drive by shootings, etc? Nah, that would make too much
sense!
People who ask if that is your REAL haircolor. Do you also ask a woman if
those are her REAL breasts? Do you ask middle-aged men if that is their
REAL hair? Get a grip and learn some manners!
People who put on a perpetually meek and demure face, refusing to show any
strong emotion when it's called for, and call that "emotional maturity."
Women who are so desperate for a "relationship" that they evaluate every male they meet as a "potential partner".
If they have one date with a guy they immediately glom on to him, and assume they
are a "couple".
"Teamwork" in the office place....a euphemism for conformity and a means to
squashing original thinking.
Women who whine, "There aren't any good men left" whilst clinging with
ignorant fascination to the abusive, insensitive 'himbos' that they
have chosen.
People who label me "gay" just because I refuse cybersex on IRC,
opting rather for an intelligent conversation. Well, excuse me. We do exist.
People who use the words "gay/queer/lesbian/homosexual" as insults.
Narrow-minded people who insist that the only true measure of
commitment in a relationship is "marriage", and try to foist their
morality on you.
Women who flaunt gaudy engagement rings.
Revolting radio and TV commercials from jewelery stores that imply that
the measure of someone's love is in the amount of money they spend on a ring.
Men who enter female chat rooms and use the lame line, "Pay no mind to me, I'm just
observing. Writing a thesis."
Can anyone COMPREHEND how many theses are being written about bi/les women?
Really, guys, get a new strategy.
OR Men who come into female chat rooms wanting "cyber"/pics/to criticize
"alternative lifestyles" as a whole.
The term "Alternative Lifestyle"
Girls/Women who put on too much makeup - they must apply the stuff with a
putty knife! Ewwww!
People who say "hi" to you when they are alone, but ignore you
when they're with their friends.
People who do things because it's trendy. (Maybe one day mass
suicide will be trendy... I could only hope)
Ex-boyfriends who enact pathetic ploys in a lame attempt to make you jealous or mad.
Assumptions (would you like me to assume you're an asshole! whoops! you are!)
Commercials about starving kids in other countries, when there are
hungry and homeless kids right here in our own back yard.
Frats. (Let's join a "community" where we get drunk all the
time and take advantage of girls!)
When people compare me to someone else (this is ME..what you
see is what you get)
Old men who grow their hair long. (News Flash: this is not
going to make you look years younger... you look like a hideous old
troll... aka Micheal Bolton)
Religious fanatics who try to "save" me (Save it chucko I'm
already going to hell and I'm looking forward to it)
Skinny folk who think they're fat or are afraid of getting
fat (and these are the same people who tell me it's the inside that
counts..love is blind..blah blah blah)
People who have no opinion on anything. (Do you have a mind?
do you know how to use it? SPEAK!)
People who don't stand up for themselves or are afraid to
speak up. (Is it comfortable on the ground with all those people walking
all over you?)
People who ask "what's wrong?" just because I don't smile
every goddamn second of the day.
Girls who go to college to find a husband. (Why don't you just
go to the mall? ...it's a hell of a lot cheaper.)
People who say, "You'd be pretty if you just lost some
weight"... yeah and you'd be attractive if you'd just get some plastic surgery.
People who ask me "So, do you have a boyfriend yet?" (one of
these days I'm going to say, "No, but me and my girlfriend are doing great."
Men who blame everything on pms (ok then, what the hell is your excuse?)
Poodles (loud, obnoxious living puff balls)
Men who think two gay guys are absolutely the grossest thing
they've ever seen and then drool over the mention of lesbians.
People who call me "honey". (I am NOT a condiment, thank you.)
People who chew with their mouth open (oh, thank you! I love
to hear people masticate and the view is great too...)
People who take an elevator up one flight when the stairs are right next
to them.
People who are fully capable of opening doors for themselves but who
push the little button which automatically opens the "handicapped" door
for them.
Those who think that running their hands under cold water immediately
after wiping their shit-caked asses in the stall of a public restroom
gets their hands clean.
Anyone who thinks that long distance relationships are great because
they allow you to have all the sex you want with as many people as you
want and still be "committed" to someone else.
Really skinny people who insist that all they want is to gain weight so
they can look more "like you."
Women who fish for compliments. If you weight 89 pounds and say, "I
look like a pre-menstrual hippo," I'm going to tell you to go on a diet
you fat cow.
Any insult that is diguised as a compliment. For example, "I don't want
to date someone who looks like a supermodel." Damn right because I look
better than a supermodel.
Men who think that I want to constantly be told how beautiful I am. I
know I'm beautiful, I don't need to get my self-affirmation from you.
Thirteen-year-old kids who obsess over Marilyn Manson and talk loudly in
front of adults about torturing animals and attempting suicide so that
they can get some attention. Especially when most of these
kids are from the suburbs, have never had to work a day in their lives
for anything, have great parents who love them unconditionally, and
still have absolutely no appreciation for anything in their lives.
Arrogant, ungrateful brats is all they are.
Interviews of celebrities that ask them, "What did everyone think of you in
high school/college?" WHO CARES?!?!?!?
Anyone who interprets righteous bitchiness as stemming from "being unable
to get laid" or "not having a date." Yeah, they really are experts on
dating and getting laid themselves.
Clueless people who take the moniker "Heartless Bitch" seriously,
and think that it means "unfeeling", "uncaring", or "man-hating".
Those who feel any spark of jealousy towards people with great images and bad
characters.
Anyone who expects me to apologize more than once (sincerely). If you
want to hear it more than once, tape it.
Anybody who sucks on the "Glass Teat" and then complains about how
evil/bad/wasteful/mindrotting it is.
"Sensitive" people, who, upon finding out I'm a lesbian, feel compelled
to say inane things like, "Well, I think that's totally alright with me, but.."
and then launch into a long discourse about their opinions on sexual preferences.
HELLO!?!? Do you think I care about what you think about my sex life? NOOOO!!!
Men who say, "Of course you want children, you're a woman after all." Uggh.
Guys who haven't yet figured out that you have to wash your armpits with
SOAP to get rid of the smell.
Women who will endure the unbelievable AGONY of having hairs on
legs, lip, pubes, and pits RIPPED OUT with hot wax or tweezers - and
then spend a day or two lying in bed WHINING about menstrual cramps.
Hey, fuck, if you can let them rip out your pubes by the roots, what's a
cramp or two?
Men who don't notice or speak to you if you're 5-40 lb. overweight - but
drop the poundage, even if it's because you're dying of cancer, and
suddenly you're "attractive."
Men who (just happened to me last fucking WEEK!!) assume if you're a
woman at a car dealership, you're trying to decide your favorite COLOR of car.
First tell me about the FEATURES, asshole. The equity, the lease term,
the CAP, the down, the points. I don't CARE WHAT FUCKING COLOR it is,
as long as it runs well, is inexpensive, and handles well.
Women who are so threatened by other competent women that they do
everything in their power to cut them down in the workplace.
Lesbians who became lesbians not because they love women, but because
they HATE men. Well, I don't have a whole lot of use for men myself,
but as people they're fine. I just happen to like sleeping with women a
WHOLE LOT better. Love the women, don't hate the men. What a waste of
time.
The fact that a "slut" is a woman who will sleep
with everyone, and a "bitch" is a woman who will sleep with everyone but
you.
"Pretend-Latin-Lover" guys. You know the type: Greasy slicked-back
hair, drenched in cologne, lots of fake gold jewelry, pinky rings, a
fake designer shirt with the first five buttons undone, exposing
sasquatch-like chest hair that's supposed to turn me on, and about 18
gold chains making him look like Mister-fucking-T. These guys hang out
at the Italian bars with their fake Italian accents, standing all suave
against the bar like Gomer-fucking-Pyle, thinking I should notice them
just because they're male and Mediterranian. Gimme a break. I'll bet you
can't even speak Italian, and were born and raised in Lorette Manitoba.
The "Princess Di" version of "Candle in the Wind". AAAAAUUUUUGH! Stop playing it
already! It's making us all ill.
Men who are balding and try to compensate by growing their hair long ala'
Michael Bolton! UGH!!!!!!! Who are they kidding?
My sister-in-law who had an abortion, but now thinks abortion is wrong. Now
that she had a safe option, she wants other women to go back to the "bleeding
in the back alley" days.
Abortion protestors who have no adopted children. When there are NO MORE
unadopted children in this world (including drug-addicted, fetal alcohol syndrome and mentally/physically
handicapped babies), then you may preach to me... until then put your money where your mouth is!
Abortion protestors who are against Welfare....Yeah, you better keep that
baby, but we're not going to help you provide for it. And we don't want to
pay your medical bills for having it either !!
People who do not know the difference between gender identity and sexual
identity.
Men who assume that because I'm bisexual I will ask a girlfriend to join us
in bed.
Men who assume that because I'm bisexual I want to discuss intimate details
of female anatomy with them... and don't realize that women don't see other
women as genitals.
Macho boys with no personality that talk really loud and tough so
everyone glares at them, and then they gloat 'Yeah bitch , you're looking
at me. I know you like what you see, checking me out'.
"Feminists" who don't want equality and fair treatment for all, only
revenge against men.
"Civil Rights Groups" who talk about equality, fairness, and all of that
cool stuff - who won't lift a finger to help a man or a non-minority who
has been discriminated against.
Companies that cut pay, cut hours and lay off; then complain about lower
morale and productivity.
Companies that bullshit you about keeping your pay secret. The real
reason is so that you won't find out about unfair raises and that they
increased starting pay without giving everyone a raise.
People who exploit anti-discrimination laws/rules in any way. Civil
rights groups of any sort won't get any farther until they ditch the people
who just want a free ride or revenge.
I hate it when someone really has been discriminated against and can't
get taken seriously because of people like the above.
Censorship. I'm an adult, dammit! I wish these people would take
responsibility for their children instead of restricting my rights.
People who are opposed to abortion but don't want anyone to tell their
kids about birth control.
"Right to Lifers" who will kill you if you don't agree with them.
Christians who try to excuse their fucked-up actions and attitudes with the
"it's O.K., I've been saved" defense. Not to mention the ones who
believe that all the world has nothing better to do than dance to the
tune they play.
Women who think that "she who dies with the most male admirers" wins, and therefore,
I am too picky by NOT dating every asshole who comes along and uses some
lame-ass line on me.
Women who actually fall for those lame ass lines.
Women who bitch about blonde jokes, then act stupid to get attention from
guys.
Men who believe no means yes.
Men/boys who are so pathetic that they have to resort to slipping a
"roofie" into a girl's drink to get laid.
P.S. It's called rape in this country now, sport.
Men who claim to buy Playboy for the "intellectual stimulation" provided
by the articles. Sure, pal. Your head may be getting stimulated, but it
isn't the one on top of your neck.
People who think I'm some sort of nympho because I can talk about sex
without giggling like a ten year old.
People who think I'm a psycho because I like reading about serial
killers. As if I really give a shit about the newest Danielle Steele
novel.
Men who still think women should be kept barefoot and pregnant.
Women who allow themselves to be kept barefoot and pregnant.
Women who whine about how "men suck," then, as soon as one shows an ounce
of charm towards them, they're putty in the guy's hands.
Women who ACTUALLY believe that frat boy is going to call her back
tomorrow after she got drunk at his party and fucked him last night.
Sure honey, you keep dreaming.
People who think I'm gay because I don't fit their idea of what is
"feminine."
People who think all lesbians wear combat boots.
People who act like I don't give a shit about how I look because I don't
wear makeup unless I'm going out. Puh-lease! I have more important things
to worry about than whether or not my face is shiny for you.
People who think they are morally superior to people who smoke. Whatever.
Your lungs may be pinker, but you're still an asshole.
Women who don't realize that they're responsible for their own fucking
orgasm!!
Women who whine about being called a bitch when they
call themselves bitches. If you are going to call yourself a bitch, when
someone tells you that you are a bitch, either take it as
a compliment, or deal with it and get over it.
Straight men who think that every gay man on earth wants to have sex with
them and who think that they can "cure" any lesbian.
When waiters have the imagination of a fossilized dung beetle and think
that because you're a "chick" you must have ordered the hot chocolate and
your man the espresso, when really it was the other way around. This
also happens when I order beer and he orders white wine... when I order
steak and he orders fish... Precisely how stupid are you people? And
why when we order the same cocktail do I get a straw and he doesn't?
What, are women incapable of drinking straight out of a glass? Three
words: die, die NOW.
People who think they're so important/trendy/cool because they have a
cell phone glued to their ear. They walk and/or drive into you because
their tiny brains can only handle two things: talking on their cell
phone (I hope it gets cloned) and thinking about how
important/cool/trendy they are while doing so.
Born again Christians...Period. Stop trying to save me!
Mariah Carey. Where would her career be if she didn't hook-up with the
president of her record label?
People who use the breakdown lane as a passing lane.
People who are out for a Sunday drive in the speed lane.
Telemarketers.
People who see what you are doing, then ask if that's what you are
doing.
People who say that they want to learn how to use a computer, but then
find ANY excuse of something else to do when you offer to teach them.
People who classify men in one category -- like they are all alike.
People who classify women in one category -- like they are all alike.
People who want to censor the media. Look, if *YOU* raise your children
instead of letting the media do it, then you won't have to worry about
the profit-driven business of the media effecting your children's sense
of values, judgements, and actions.
Parents who come home from work and plunk their child in front of the
t.v. because they noticed it distracts the child, who now won't bother
them. You spent all day away from your child, and now you don't want to
be a presence in his/her life when you are home? Why'd you decide to
have a child (children)?
Cellular phones and pagers that go off in theatres during a show, and
the owners of those devices who lack the courtesy to TURN them off BEFORE
the movie starts.
Phony people who want everyone to love them as much as they love
themselves.
DJ's that talk over the beginning and end of songs.
Radio stations that play more commercials, self-promotions, and whining
DJ chatter than music.
Million-dollar crybabies. I'm supposed to feel bad for someone who only
makes $10.5 instead of $11 million to play a game for a living? Or these
actors that cry about 15 hour days on their catered food, cozy trailor
sets? Get a real job and work 17 hours a day at a job that pays less in
a year than you currently make in a day. Chances are you wouldn't have
the energy to complain about poor you.
Over-promoting. By the time a movie finally comes out, you've seen the
ads so much that it's the last thing you'd want to go see.
People that don't hold doors for people (men or women) exiting/entering behind them.
Visiting someplace in the southern U.S. where they call you "yankee".
The war ended 130+ years ago -- get over it already!
Rude waiters/waitresses; then they wonder why they don't get good tips.
The cheaper class of Mercedes and people who think they are cool for
owning them. If you wanted to own a car that looked like a smiley Neon,
why'd you throw away the extra $20K, instead of just buying a Neon?
Everyone drooling over Rona Barclays baby that she had when she was
underage, and talking about what they want their kids to be like.
For christs sakes save it 'til you're thirty and have a life now.
(and maybe some of those qualifications that Rona doesn't have?)
Old guys who think they are really sexy, and that I've got to be
interested.
Nude models over 50 (yes I'm an art student, and it's not been a fun
week)
People on-line who think I'm a gay man not a straight woman because
I say things that they don't think a girl ever would but I also write
about guys I fancy. Also the people that think I'm John.
Polo players.
People who tell me all about their sex lives within 5 minutes of
meeting them.
People who when they find out that I don't have a boyfriend say that
I'll probably find one soon.
People who do not appreciate that if you are studying art, fancy
frocks are not a good idea. Then those people who think that a
scruffy dressed down art student must be a lesbian. I'm just poor
and actually so straight it's boring. Those also who think that nude
models are all gorgeous and that there is kinky voyeurism involved.
Nope.
Skinny folk who say they're putting on weight and must go on a diet.
Forgetting to apply the eagle eye of criticism to myself.
Getting caught up/buying into the "true love' myth. No, sorry, it's
love and hard work, not instant harmony.
Knowing things need to change, and letting your fear keep you from doing
it.
Idiots who call Al Gore a "radical environmentalist". I think not.
News reports about the latest "tragic" bus crash etc causing 16 deaths, that
use phrases like, "16 people died, including a mother and her
three month old baby!". Do they say this because the mother/baby are
inherently more worthy of sorrow than the 14 other people who also died
but were less telegenic? And frankly, why do they need to tell us about
the bus crash at all unless there is some larger story (eg, the enormous
number of deaths caused by randomly crashing buses) that needs
illustration. Is this news, or just an excuse for the viewing
population to empathise with the families of the "victims", and worry
needlessly about the chance of a bus crashing while they are aboard?
People who classify me as Generation X. Though I was born in 1977, I flat-out choose NOT to be an Xer-- I don't have their
mindset or taste in music-- and I am passionate, not apathetic, about
politics and about America. American Demographics, by the way, says
I'm *not* an Xer, but a Millennial.
Generation Xers in general-- they are the worst kind of "Romantic
Fundamentalists." They talk about their lack of "emotional support" at home
when they were kids, which gives them the right to act all needy and
downtrodden--- and of course, to believe that the only way of finding that
support is to be in love. Naturally, it's the kind of "love" that needy
people most often attract, but if you have the audacity to point this out
to them, they look at you like you're some kind of unfeeling, uncaring
monster. Some even express their fears that you, being the unlovable ice
princess you are, will have nothing but trouble finding and keeping lovers,
and you will be *ALONE* (!!!) for the rest of your life. Fears? They should
be scared, that THEIR lovers will grow tired of their self-denigrating ways
and run off with you!
Women who believe romance novels show them what relationships should
ideally be. Get a grip girls! They're grown-up fairy tales, and nothing
more-- but they do have one redeeming feature: stimulation. Just treat 'em
the way guys treat pornos.
Men who think that the only purpose of a bra is to keep them out.
Women who call themselves feminists and expect men to open doors for
them.
Anyone who assumes that lesbians are man-haters.
People who STILL listen to Peter Frampton
Pusillanimous, gutless, spineless "tough guys" who send me threatening
mail whilst hiding behind "anonymous" remailer accounts like
mailexcite and hotmail. Not only that but these ball-deficient
cowards pick the lamest, most unimaginative aliases in some
pathetic attempt to look "bad". *gag* What are you AFRAID of?
That I might find out who you REALLY are?
Even worse, when the above-mentioned pussies think that typing
in ALL CAPS somehow makes them look bigger and tougher. *snort*
"The Promise Keepers"
Articles like THIS!
Diet ANYTHING!
Men that wear their underwear on their head to be funny.
Men that wear your underwear on their head to be funny.
Men of legal age that still play with action figures.
Men that get out their diary/journal just to "show" you how sensitive they
are, and when you show token interest in their writing, object that it is
"too personal" to share.
Men who stop themselves in mid-compliment and say, "oops, I shouldn't tell
you things like that."
Men who withhold vital information just to avoid having to actually lie.
People who see an old picture of you and say something like, "wow, you look
sooo much better/cooler/thinner/etc. now!" like it's a compliment.
Mike Tyson.
Newscaster Himbos.
Hackneyed, predictable TV news metaphors like, "the blaze spread like
wildfire..."
The use of the present tense for past events, i.e., "A man kills his
girlfriend today, film at 11."
People in small towns who say, "we didn't think it could happen here," when
it turns out one of them is an axe murderer. Like small towns never breed
any social psychosis?!
Reporters who refer to a killing spree in a small town as "big city violence."
Little mallrats who saw The Craft and think they're witches now.
Subgenii who don't get the joke.
MTV.
Rich college students who have never done a day of honest work in their
lives who claim to be Marxists and "in touch with the working class"
while they smoke $300 of pot a week!
Men who talk to my tits instead of my eyes.
Men who, when they don't understand what you're saying, think
*you're* the idiot.
People who think I have no sex life because I live alone. I have a
GREAT sex life. I may even share it with someone again someday. If I
find someone who isn't stupid, boring, watches football all weekend, and
treats me as something other than a mother/whore/housekeeper/nursemaid.
People who whine to their opposite-sex friends about how nasty their
boy/girl/sheep-friends are, but they won't get involved with the people
they trust with this information because they're "just friends."
Women who assume that I'm immature, some sort of -ist,
or dangerous because I have a strange sense of humor. Even if this makes
me a loser, it doesn't make me a psycho.
People who think that turn signals are just decorations.
Women who give me excuses or make up boyfriends instead of having the
courage to say fuck off. I appreciate a polite refusal, just say so and
don't play games. My feelings aren't made of glass. I'm just talking
about dinner, fercryinoutloud.
People who don't have the testicles/ovaries to say what they want from
their dates/sex partners/relationships. They just expect everyone to
mystically know, then whine when it doesn't work out.
People who don't seek the truth. Find out what is going on instead of
assuming whatever gives you an excuse to be pissed off.
Overly sensitive types. We've all seen them, the whiners who think that
anything they personally dislike (or don't understand) is part of some
grand conspiracy to make their lives miserable.
People who say "Oh, I don't like to read."
Customers who will cheerfully(?) whine to my manager about some
imagined offense I committed, but who don't have the gonads to tell ME
their problem with ME to MY FACE!!
Whiny idiots with no sense of humor or tolerance of anything from
outside their own little inbred redneck world.
People who are shocked at the mention of sex. Get a grip.
People who publicly flagellate themselves for their relationship failures,
and then expect others to respect them for it.
Rose-colored glasses.
Smart women who are lazy and resort to using sex as a tool to get
what they want.
People who have "pet names" for each other.
Large toy manufacturers that promote gender stereotyping through their
toys.
Writers who want comments on their work, provided it doesn't say anything negative. In
other words, they only want flattery.
People who think that respect is a "right" and not something that is
earned.
The phrase, "Aren't you a little young to be doing
that?" Of course followed somewhere in the
conversation by, "These young people today, when
will they grow up?" Okkkaaayyyy.
Guys in copy shops that (when you go pick up a fax
from them) say, "You must be the secretary." Huh?
You must be a moron.
Folks who live in the 50's with respect to appropriate
office attire for women. God forbid a woman should wear a good suit
with pants -- suddenly she is accused of either
turning into a man-wanna-be, or raiding the
husband's closet. (And NO, you don't have to be
married for such an assumption to occur.)
Loud talkers who talk AT rather then TO you.
People who continually get themselves in trouble
and expect you to bail them out for that one favor
back in '91.
People who brag about giving to charity.
People who brag about their extensive
resources, yet do nothing with them.
People who generally think that since you work at
home, all you are really doing is fucking off. And
how can a person like you have anything more
important on her schedule than talking to them??
People who have kids but then don't raise
them, keep an eye out for them, or pay much attention to them
except to complain about them.
People who come up to you and ask you what you
do, or "are you married?" before they ask your name.
People who classify themselves -- "Oh, I am one of
the artists"...or "the jocks"...or "the prodigies"...etc
People with beepers and phones and god-knows-what-else
going off for a considerable amount of
time before they respond.
People who try to shock or disgust me with
their vulgarness. Especially the ones that
get embarassed when I respond back in kind.
People who get your attention in the middle of
someone else's conversation but have nothing
important to say.
"Chicks"
Anyone who pets my head and says anything in the
context of "how cute"....[me being short]...is
getting some scars...psychological or otherwise..
Men who "jokingly" hit on married women. Yeah
and I will "jokingly" let that slip to my husband
next time.
People who try and screw me over just because I
am young and female...yeah.. and I have a damn
good lawyer.
Guys who get offended when after sex, you put your
clothes back on and walk out the door. What am I
supposed to do? Hang around listening to you snore
just in case you roll over and wish to have
another go at it or serve you breakfast in the
morning???
People who constantly ask me to talk to my
boss -- I put on another bitchier voice and
continue. If you dont want my business I can
take it elsewhere.
People who tell you that people like you are
wrong to generalize.
Folks who, when I say I like sex, think I mean
...with them...
Men who tell me (I haven't met one that won't) that one night with them and
I'll turn strait.
Women who marry "For Love" and then get half of everything from their
husbands (because he was an abusive alcoholic), who preach to me
about how I should "Follow my heart to the man of my dreams".
All of this endless blather in the news media about what a great tragedy
Princess Di's death is, and all of the schmaltzy TV coverage to go along
with it. COME ON FOLKS!! What makes her death any more tragic than
that of 400 people drowning in a ferry accident off the coast of Haiti?
Get fucking real!!
Men who tell me "I think our friendship would be more solid if we had
sex, and got it out of the way." My response: "Not with someone else's
body, honey."
Woman who get married, feel no need to continue to educate themselves
(because now they have a husband and nothing else matters) and then get
all bitter when their husband leaves them for someone who can hold a
conversation on something more cerebral than Oprah.
Women who assume that simply because another woman poses nude, is a stripper,
or works in the sex industry, that she is somehow automatically unintelligent
or less deserving of respect than others.
The guy at work who told me that all the women on his bus must be
lesbians because none of them looked at or spoke to him this morning.
Couldn't have anything to do with the fact that he is an ignorant pig.
Female friends (who are in relationships) who tell me I'm too picky.
This must be because I'm not going to go out with the first dead-beat
drug addict who asks me.
My mother who automatically thinks that I'm being held hostage or nasty
feminists have taken over my brain when I tell her that I won't be home
for Christmas because I really can't afford it.
Politicians today. They can't say anything offensive-- and especially can't
say anything "anti-family." Get a clue and grow a backbone and a set of
principles, or you don't deserve that cushy office, that salary, or those
perks.
The matchmaker commercials on TV, that instead of merely
SUGGESTING a person use their services and have some fun on Friday night, try to
appeal to the viewer's emotions and make them feel GUILTY for not using their
services, and hence never snagging that special someone. It's the old, "if
you don't buy my product, you're stupid" line. **GAG**
Brad Pitt. Has that man ever taken a shower?
The cult of emotional health. Of sure, people's feelings are the most
fragile things in the world, and you must do your best not to
(inadvertently) hurt anyone's feelings, or you're an evil person. You know
how to get emotionally healthy? (a pukeworthy term in itself) Put down the
damned self-help books. Get out
there. Do something. Take up a new hobby. Work out those buns instead of
merely sitting on them. Call your friends and arrange a night on the town.
Call your mother and have a heart-to-heart-chat. Love your
husband/kids/lovers/friends/pets. Stay away from emotional blackmailers.
The word "interpersonal." Psychobabblish dreck.
Bryan Adams and his music that has "Sensitive New Age Guy" written all over
it. He used to play good HARD rock; what happened? He's been emasculated!
Must've read one too many self-help books.
My former schoolmate, a single parent who does nothing but drag her baby
boy around and put him on display like some fuckin' merit badge. At the
same time she totally neglects his intellectual needs-- she doesn't read to
him or even provide him with much stimulating conversation. She just lets
him sit around and watch TV, when he's not parading around being her status
symbol! The poor kid.
The *bestselling book* (big shudder) "Emotional Intelligence." Basically,
its message is this:
- Your soul purpose as human beings is to make everyone else like you.
- If you're not spending as much time as possible pleasing and
impressing others, you have no people skills.
- If you're not Mr. or Ms. Popularity, there's something horribly wrong
with you.
- In fact, if even one person dislikes you, you have a deep flaw of
some sort.
- Others' bad behavior is your fault because you didn't please them.
The scary part is that a lot-- A LOT-- of businesses and schools take this
book as gospel. Speaking of gospel, why don't they just call it "The Bible
Of Doormats"?
Himbos who (even while out on a date) flirt with every waitress and call
every woman "honey".
Male co-workers who become angry when on offering advice I just say, "No"
instead of pacifying them with the traditional air-headish, "Sure, I'll look
into that idea."
ANYONE sans firsthand experience of abortion who while claiming that
there is no stigma attached to having one, uses qualifiers like
"convenient" and "easy" to describe it.
WOMEN who during discussions about abortion throw out theoretical crap
like "I support the right to chose but personally I don't think I could
have one," thank me for sharing my "difficult decision" when I state
that I have had an abortion, and then later tell me in confidence about
the time when they thought they were pregnant and the first thing that
flashed through their minds was abortion.
ANYONE who professes to be a "protector of the unborn" and then cannot
tell me why a fetus conceived through rape is ok to "kill" but one
conceived when contraception fails is not, or offers up a pathetic
display of ethical hairsplitting yap about "the greater victim" and
"moral threshholds" because they are too busy believing they know all
the answers to realize that rationalization is not the same thing as
reasoning.
Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2000, All Rights Reserved
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