Jerks are often the Lesser of Two Evils
by Momo aka Schadenfreudianslip
JERKS AND NICE GUYS™ ARE EXACTLY THE SAME! They're both manipulative
pestilences who spawn from a putrid primordial soup of smegma, santorum,
damp urinal cakes, pimple burstings, trichomoniasis and gonorrhea discharge,
choleric diarrhea, and necrotized tissue, but at least Jerks are more
straightforward (NOT honest) about it, and they don't whine and wallow in
self pity nearly as much!
For example, a Nice Guy™ will make you think that
you're in control by coercing, advising, and helping him along, but he'll
really drag you from point A to B to C to D, then back to A, using excuses
like, "My mommy doesn't love me, nobody's ever accepted me for who I am,
I'll never find love, etc." He'll lead you into false hopes with promises of
changes, but slips back into his old ways when he doesn't feel the need to
be on his best behavior anymore (usually after makeup sex), and will
guilt-trip you into eventually accepting him for who he is. A Jerk won't
budge from Point A. He may or may not acknowledge his negative behavior,
doesn't give a shit what you think, will not make compromises, and
explicitly states that you're going to have to accept him for who he is.
See? The end results are exactly the same! While a nice guy will whine and
make you dive in the mud to salvage his emotions and guilt-trip you into
accepting him for who he is, a Jerk will get straight to the point, saving
you time, guesswork and a perhaps even bit of dignity. Nice guys will spend
two days in bed crying whenever you try to give them even the most tactful
constructive criticism (guilt is a very effective shield), but Jerks show
that a verbal kick in the nuts is nothing to get shattered over, aggravate
us enough to unveil our true colors and make us want to argue back.
Note (NOT disclaimer): I wish that the line between Jerks and Nice Guys™ was
so easily and clearly defined. I have based these comparisons on the
extremes of the Nice Guy ™-Jerk continuum. All too many faulty men lie in
the gray area of Emotional Manipulators. Many Nice Guys™ eventually become
Jerks when they no longer feel the need to put on the facade of a sweet
tortured victim (or are simply closet Jerks who are frustrated that their
facades are not getting the desired results), and many Jerks can emulate
Nice Guy™-esque emotions to manipulate women when they're in apology mode.
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