The latest comments from and about Nice Guys...
Date: Sat, 20 May 2006
From: Nathan Kendrick
Subject: Some nice guy questions
Just stumbled onto your sight today...
good stuff. As a reforming "nice guy," I'm doing my best to learn all
those things I should have during the years wasted in self-pity. Perhaps
you'll have a take on these comments:
By way of contrast with
another guy at work, it occured to me: you know how some guys don't know
how to treat women as anything but sex objects? Well, I don't know how
to treat them as sex objects.
Not to mean of course, that I don't lust after a lovely
young lady as much as the next guy... but I'm a little befuddled how to
make that interest known.
The art of flirting, if you will.
Namely, in my goal of getting out and making an effort, it
occurs to me that I have scant idea what to say. Yeah, I know, just
introduce yourself. Listen, I can go up to anyone and say, "Hi, I'm
Nate, and you are?" It's the inane conversation that follows that
puzzles me. So I usually fall back on the same BS I'd use in a
non-meat-market gathering.
I hate asking, "what do you do," as if
that should define a person, or the worst, "so, having a good time
tonight?" I've played with the idea of being completely direct: "You
look really good and so I came up to make inane banter in hopes of
getting your number and maybe a date." Might be a fun approach... I'll
have to try that.
It would be nice to have a genuine compliment
for a young woman that didn't involve her face, chest, or butt. Like if
she's wearing some cool earrings or a pretty shirt. But lets face it, at
least half the time she's wearing something pretty generic, and it was
only what was underneath that attracted my attention.
And sure, it'd be
nice to be interested in what was underneath that (as in, her
personality) but you don't introduce yourself to someone because of
their personality--you don't know it.
And then there's the
question of venue. For example, there are a few attractive young ladies
who can be found periodically increasing their chance of skin cancer out
by the pool, but I presume they don't really want to be bothered.
(Incorrect?) Or at the gym, I think I correctly assume that they are not
there to be picked up.
Bars are such terrible places to meet people. It
would be easier if my hobbies weren't so male-dominated.
Not to mention, outside of a bar, it's impossible to tell if a woman is old
enough... you're never sure if it's safe to hit on the girl behind the
counter because she just might be a girl.
With young girls trying to look older and
women trying to look younger, it gets confusing. I would have picked one
young lady at the gym for high-school, until I saw the Univ of GA
sticker on her car on the way out.
But mostly, my confusion comes
back to what I asked in the beginning. What do you say to a young lady?
I think my tendency, to get into an intellectual or getting-to-know-you
conversation, no matter how interesting, does not convey the necessary
meaning, or suggest in her mind the romantic interest that is my
ultimate motivation.
Too nice, no spark.
Yeah, so it's still neurotic navel-gazing, a typical nice-guy habit. But just because I
don't know what to say, doesn't mean I don't try anyway.
Chew it
up and spit it out, or ignore it. I was hoping you might have some fun
with it.
Nate
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