There
are two questions that nearly every guy I have been involved with has asked, yet
it's clear that not one of them really wanted to hear the truth.
The
first question is "How many men have you been with?"
I
have come to suspect that all men want to hear "just two" in
response to this one. Two because any more than themselves and the
one guy before them is apparently just plain slutty. It is perfectly acceptable
(and most times honorable) for men to attempt to mount anything over the
age of 16, but if women show the same healthy sexual appetite, they should be
locked up in a high tower, away from civilized society, so our freakish
libidos can't harm anybody. Why is that? I look at the total number of men I have
slept with, and considering the age I was when I started, and my age now, it
averages out to be two men a year, but you can rest assured that if the kind of man who would ask that
question hears the number, he would call me a slut. Yep, sex every six months makes a woman a raving nympho!
The
second question is one that men should be banned from ever letting slip past
their lips. There are many variations on this question from "what was your
best sexual experience?" to "who was your best time?".
While
one might hope that the underlying motive for asking this question is to
gain enlightenment about how to better satisfy their partner, this is
unfortunately not the case. No, this question is only asked in an
attempt to reaffirm his own masculinity. Men want to hear that they were the
best time you ever had, that until you slept with them, you did not know the
meaning of the word "orgasm".
I remember the night when a man I
was involved with asked me the question. It was early on in the relationship. We were sitting down watching TV
and out of the blue he asked me to describe my most satisfying sexual encounter.
I remember thinking that the night might turn out to be fun after all – given
that it was only seven pm and he was looking for sexual direction. Hindsight
tells me otherwise. I proceeded to tell him (without naming names)
about an encounter on a dock at a private summer home on a
beautiful lake. I could see him mentally asking himself when we had ever
been to the lake when the ugly realization hit him, I was talking about someone
else! Needless to say, that was the beginning of the end of that particular
romance.
In
my experience, men only ask these questions in an attempt to reaffirm their own
sense of masculinity. They want you to tell them that the only other guy you
have ever slept with was horrible and you fell asleep out of sheer
boredom, and that just the thought of sex with them sets your
panties on fire! What is worse, I think that there must be women out
there who give these men the answers they want. They take the easy way out
of the conversation by lying to the guy. This only perpetuates the problem of
men who have an over-inflated sense of their own performance, with no idea that
they really need to learn a thing or two (or maybe three). If men always hear that they are great
in bed, they are going to stick with their old tricks, no matter how lame or
bone chilling they are. This practice needs to stop. If a man asks, tell him
the truth before you dump him. Maybe he will take that knowledge and apply it to his own sex
life. In a perfect world, he’d also
share those lessons with his buddies so we don’t have to educate EVERY
lame-assed lover in the world.
A
few years after the relationship ended with the fellow I mentioned earlier, I
ran into him in a bar. He tried his best to get me to go home with him,
with no luck. He persisted by asking me if I missed the hot times we had
together. I paused, and thought about not answering him, but in the end I opted
for telling him the cold truth about his lack of skills. I told him that in the
short time we were intimate, I did not even once have a single orgasm that
was in any way connected to anything he did, but that on a couple of occasions,
I had actually had one with the shower massager in his bathroom. I did give him
this information in an attempt to hurt him in any way. I told him in the
(probably vain) hope that if he might rethink some of the laughable techniques
he used in the bedroom (which might actually give him a chance at keeping a relationship
so that he’s not reduced to pestering ex-girlfriends or women he meets in a bar
for sex), or, failing that, at least realize he should keep the shower massage.
